When People Interfere With Your Relationship (by luvbuzd)
life, relationships, mental health, & technology
Your significant other says or does something that really pushes your buttons. You guys have some words (some of them aren’t that nice) and leave each other’s presence before things get worse and you begin to ponder what kitchen utensils would make a good murder weapon. What is a person to do now? Why head to facebook and write a status update that declares your frustrations to the world, of course (as if there was any question as to what should be done).
I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t guilty of writing something on facebook that vented my feelings, however I can say that NONE of what I’ve written was ever about a disagreement I’ve had with my significant other. A clear distinction should be drawn between ranting about a stranger or annoying coworker that isn’t on your friend list and talking about the person that you’ve pledged your heart to. A “stranger rant” will likely affect nobody whereas a “my mate is a jerk” rant will stoke the flames of your conflict with your mate while giving fuel to the gossip mongers on your friend list.
The truth of the matter is that facebook (and other social networks) are platforms for communication that give us a way to talk to others instantly. They’re great for letting us express our feelings. The thing is that we don’t know what’s going to happen with the data that we put on those social networks in 10 years. Will someone buy facebook in the future and mine the information we put on them? Or perhaps they’ll sell the data to our kids so they can know what we’re like. By putting our relationship woes out there, we are letting the world into our bedrooms while alienating the one we should be making up with.
Anyone that’s read a relationship book or watched an episode of Oprah knows that communication is critical to making a relationship work. Sometimes the communications are happy and sometimes they’re the polar opposite, but those communications MUST take place. Whenever we introduce other people into our relationship’s communication, we place a bigger rift between ourselves and our mates. We make our mates feel like we want to vilify them in front of the world while seeking validation. It sends the message, “I know I’m right and I want all of our friends to know that you’re a jerk.”
Lastly, impulsive online comments that are filled with emotion can portray us in a negative light. They make us look like we are temperamental, attention-seeking people who will go as far as making our mates look foolish in front of the world to get what we need: validation. What’s worse is that there is often another temperamental, attention-seeking person on your friend list who will egg you on.
What I’m saying isn’t written in any clinical journal and you may disagree, however bad communication is bad communication. Taking the things that should remain within the relationship (or possibly with another trusted confidant who can give you some good insights) in front of a large group of people is never a good idea. Learn how to effectively communicate with your mate and maybe you won’t have any more reasons to rant about them on facebook.
2012 Roger S. Gil